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[After he and Butt-Head "washed" Mr. Van Driessen's 8-track tapes in the kitchen sink]
BEAVIS : I know a cool way to dry these.
[Sticks the 8-tracks into the slots of a toaster]
 
 
[Takes one of Mr. Van Driessen's 8-track tapes and breaks it open]
BEAVIS : This one's broken.
 
 
CLARK COBB : When you play the Christian Businessman's Association for fools, you play the Lord for a fool.
 
 
If meat's bad for you, then how come it's food?
-- Butt-Head
 
 
[While working the drive-thru at Burger World]
BUTT-HEAD : Dammit, Beavis, put that away! You're not supposed to have your penis out while you're cooking.
 
 
Beavis's Magic Johnson -- it disappears into his hands.
-- Butt-Head
 
 
My dentist always looks at my nads.  I have full coverage.
-- Beavis
 
 
[Butt-Head's pick-up line to a chick in the waiting room at the dentist's office]
Hey baby -- got any cavities?
 
 
[Tom Anderson on the art of pruning]
You know, it's not what you cut... it's what you don't cut.
 
 
BEAVIS : Pruning is cool.
BUTT-HEAD : Yeah.  Let's go prune some power lines.
 
 
[While taking a ride in a laundromat dryer]
BEAVIS : Check it out -- those people can see us!
BUTT-HEAD : Yeah.  To them my face looks like a sock.
 
 
[After a ride in the dryer, Beavis and Butt-Head puked on Tom Anderson's dog, Collette.  Butt-Head told Anderson that they used "lemon-scented chunks" to bathe the dog.]
MR. ANDERSON : Well, detergent ain't enough,  boys.  You gotta use good 'ol elbow grease.
BUTT-HEAD : We used, uh, stomach grease.
 
 
BUTT-HEAD : Hey baby.  You're pretty hot.  You should be, like, in a video.
LOLITA : I am in a video.  Like I wouldn't be here if my principal hadn't rented it.
 
 
Whoa.  This is like being in a toilet.
--Beavis, having an eye exam
 
 
BEAVIS : Hey Butt-Head -- I bet those chicks are gonna wanna hold hands with us.
BUTT-HEAD : Yeah... but that's not all they'll hold...
BEAVIS : Yeah, they'll like hold our popcorn and stuff too.
BUTT-HEAD : Beavis, are you sure you're ready for this?
 
 
[Beavis and Butt-Head were selling golf balls that they had stolen from Tom Anderson]
MR. ANDERSON : These balls look kinda familiar.
BUTT-HEAD : Many balls look the same, sir.
BEAVIS : Yeah.  I have two that are identical.
 
 
[Butt-Head was trying to injure Beavis so that they could get worker's compensation]
BUTT-HEAD : Dammit, this is taking too long.
BEAVIS : Maybe you should try kicking me.
 
 
Death doesn't have nads, Beavis.
--Butt-Head
 
 
[on going to a PTA meeting]
Maybe we can suggest that school sucks.
--Beavis
 
 
Hey Butt-Head -- is it normal for the inside of your bunghole to itch?
--Beavis
 
 
This kind of stuff shouldn't be on TV.   Kids could see this.
--Beavis, about a music video
 
 
 
~~ Please check back later for more quotes -- I'll be continually adding more! ~~